


too close

by maddylime



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Established Relationship, Fluff, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Oma Kokichi, Other, Touch-Starved, being scared of touch but also wanting it? mood, i wrote this on impulse at like 4 am so i dont know if its good or not, is this good? i don’t know i really don’t, kokichi uses they/them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28126029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddylime/pseuds/maddylime
Summary: kokichi and shuichi just want to hold hands and be close to each otherbut kokichi's fear of getting close keeps getting in the way
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 71





	too close

**Author's Note:**

> you ever just want to hold hands but are constantly afraid of people getting too close to you? that's what this is about

“Shuiiccchii? Is there something wrong?” Kokichi asked, looking up from the board game they were playing to see their boyfriend sitting across. They both had only been dating for about 2 weeks, but they were friends for long before it. Kokichi knew how to spot when he was anxious about something and right now he clearly was. For example, he had been fidgeting for a while which is something he usually does when he’s nervous, he doesn’t even notice when he’s doing it. Additionally, every single time it was his turn to play the game, he seemed out of it. Like his mind was on everything _but_ the game. 

It was likely that he was thinking about something, something that he wasn't sure of. He even had that look on his face, that thinking look. 

Yeah, Shuichi may have been the detective, but Kokichi was observant too! 

“N-no! I’m fine” Shuichi smiled, but the smile was faked. Kokichi could tell, they knew enough about fake smiles to spot them from a mile away 

“C’mon. There’s _something_ wrong” Kokichi moved so that they were sitting next to him instead of just across from him. 

“No, it’s just…” Shuichi trailed off. He was fidgeting again _and_ avoiding eye contact. Sure, he often avoided eye contact, but it was different in this situation. He wasn’t even looking at Kokichi at _all._ There was definitely something on his mind, but why was he so nervous to admit it? 

“It’s just what?” Kokichi pressed. They wanted to know what was making him so anxious. He was their boyfriend after all! If something was the matter, they needed to comfort him! And if he needed something, they would be happy to help! 

Shuichi looked over at them. Taking this moment, Kokichi studied his face, searching for a sign of how he was feeling. He looked like he was still anxious, but also considering answering Kokichi's questions. 

Noticing this, Kokichi allowed the moments of silence to pass between them. They didn't want to rush him to speak, that would make him even more anxious. 

It took a few moments, but finally Shuichi spoke, “I was just, I just wanted to...hold hands, maybe?” 

Kokichi’s heart was attacked by butterflies immediately. 

During the two weeks they had been dating, they hadn’t really touched too much. It happened sometimes, but it was _always_ in a playful sense and they never got too close. 

It’s not that Kokichi didn’t _want_ to be close with Shuichi, of course they did, it was just that... they were afraid to. 

Being close with someone would mean they had to be vulnerable. And tell the _truth._ That was like one of their biggest fears, it was scary. Every time they got too close to someone, physically or emotionally, it was like alarms would go off in their head telling them to push away. Sometimes, it wasn't that bad and they could handle all those thoughts. Other times, it would send them down a spiral no one could see. 

Additionally, they were really touch starved, so they didn't really know what it would feel like. They definitely weren't used to it yet. 

So, touch was kind of a big deal. 

They talked about this with Shuichi before, reluctantly since they don't often like to be honest about things like this. But Shuichi seemed interested and assured them that it was okay to feel that way, that he would respect their boundaries. 

That’s probably why Shuichi was so nervous to bring it up. 

Kokichi wanted to hold hands, they really did. But they couldn’t silence the flutters in their heart. 

Then again, they couldn’t hide forever. And they didn't want to. 

“We don’t have to if-” Shuichi began to say, until Kokichi reached for his closest hand. Slowly, they intertwined their fingers. 

Weird. It felt weird. 

It felt...comfortable. 

And like, warm? Somewhat. 

It wasn’t bad, they realized. It was good. 

They weren’t used to this at all. The only time they’ve held Shuichi’s hand is when they’d drag him around somewhere. It was _playful._ It was never like this. They were never alone together, in a room, consciously making the decision to be close to one another. 

A few minutes of silence passed. It wasn't necessarily awkward. It was just them two getting used to this touch they've never felt before. The hand holding was stiff when they first connected but now they were more relaxed. 

Kokichi focused on the feeling they felt, getting more used to it. 

Shuichi began shifting even closer to them and every slight movement made Kokichi’s heart jump. 

They were side to side at this point, hands still locked together. 

Kokichi...liked this. They liked this way more than they thought they would. They thought they would want to run away at first, but they didn’t feel that now. 

They were kind of struck with the desire to...get closer? 

Following their impulses, they moved to lean against Shuichi’s arm. 

It felt...nice? It was like holding hands but just...more. More comfort, and with that, more nerves. And more warmth. 

But it was okay. It was more touch than before, but it was okay. 

They stayed there in that one position, not moving. Just again focusing on the new feeling this provided. 

Their atmosphere felt so different, going from the loud noises of playing a board game to the quiet breaths of...intimacy? It was new, so new. It was strange. 

“...Can I hug you?” Shuichi whispered. 

Kokichi froze. They hadn’t hugged before, well, not like this. Not in this way. Not in this atmosphere. And even then it’s only been a few times. 

The idea of hugging felt like just a little too much to handle. It was just too...close. The current touch they experienced right now was okay, it was great actually, but any more than that made them feel a bit uneasy. They could only imagine the overwhelming warmth they would feel. Like, it would suffocate them. 

Once they started thinking of that, suddenly, their current position felt too weird too. 

They felt their doubts start to creep in, tainting this feeling they had started to like so much. Were they being too open? Were they getting too close? Should they just run away? Should they break up with him? Shuichi was nervous with touch too, but not as much as Kokichi. Being together with him would just tear him down. 

They blocked that thought. Shuichi told them when they got together that that wasn’t the case. He wouldn’t want them to think like that. 

So instead of doing something so irrational, they moved away from their position, disconnecting their hands and looking away. 

The tables had turned, they realized. Now instead of Shuichi, Kokichi was the nervous one. 

“Are you okay?” Shuichi worried, but it was likely he already knew the answer. 

Nevertheless, Kokichi lied, “Yup! I just wanted to continue playing our game. We left it all alone, y’know?” 

Despite their cheery attitude, the atmosphere in the room hadn't changed. It was still too quiet and too intimate and too close and too vulnerable and too- 

It was just too much. They wanted to hold hands, they wanted to be close, that wasn’t the problem. They just _couldn’t._

It was hard to explain and that’s what made it even worse. 

“Kokichi, I know you’re upset” Shuichi acknowledged. 

“I’m not upset! How could I be upset?” Kokichi grinned, but it was fake. Shuichi would usually be able to tell, but it was worth a shot, right? 

Though judging by his facial expression, he wasn’t falling for it. 

“It’s _okay_ to be upset” he insisted. Was it? It seemed like such a stupid thing to be upset about. They were an ultimate supreme leader and their biggest worry was whether or not they could give someone a hug? 

“I’m not upset-” Kokichi denied, looking away. It was no use to fake a smile anymore when they were already caught. 

Shuichi continued trying to comfort them, “You’re not ready to hug me, that’s okay-” 

“I do want to hug you!” Kokichi admitted. They hated how honest they were being, it made their skin crawl. 

But Shuichi stopped talking, likely waiting for Kokichi to continue. And what else were they supposed to do? If they continued to lie, they would just keep going in circles. If they ran away, Shuichi would just catch up with them. 

“I just can’t do it! it’s just too, I don’t know, it’s just too..” Kokichi tried to explain, but it was hard. They didn’t know how to explain it. Touch wasn’t bad, they _liked_ holding hands. But hugging just seemed like too much for them. It was weird! 

“Too close?” Shuichi guessed. 

“Yeah” Kokichi confirmed. Too close. They were _still_ afraid of being too close. It didn’t seem like that fear was going away anytime soon. 

Shuichi stayed silent, like he was pondering what to say. Kokichi snuck a glance at him and it looked like they were right. He was fidgeting again. He must want to say something, but not know how. 

“Say it” Kokichi encouraged. 

“What?” Shuichi looked at them, a little startled. 

“If you’re gonna say something, just say it” Kokichi clarified. 

Shuichi sighed lightly, “You’re scarily good at reading me.” 

“Well, duh” Kokichi smiled. 

Shuichi smiled back and hesitantly started to speak, “Right, uh, I was just going to say I... _really_ like you. And I know that you’re scared about all of this, and I guess I just...wanted you to know that I’m here for you. We can take our time, move at our own pace, I just want you to be comfortable” 

Shuichi could be so nice sometimes that it literally hurt. Kokichi couldn’t help themself from smiling a little at his speech. They wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it was the reassurance they kind of needed. 

“Thanks, Shumai” Kokichi thanked. 

Shuichi blushed, “You don’t have to thank me…” 

“And yet I am! By the way, I _did_ like holding hands, so we can keep doing that, if you want” Kokichi offered their hand out. 

Shuichi stared at them for a couple of seconds, trying to make sure they were telling the truth, and took their hand, “O-of course, yeah.” 

Holding hands _did_ feel nice. It was still a little weird, but it definitely was worth it. 

“Okaaaay, can I be done telling the truth now? My head hurts” Kokichi sighed. They were tired of all of this honest and vulnerable stuff. Now, they just wanted to be with Shuichi in a better way. And they weren’t lying. Their head _did_ hurt. 

“Yes, Kokichi, you can be a liar again” Shuichi smiled, squeezing their hand just a little. 

“Yay!” Kokichi exclaimed, beginning to shift their attention back to the board game that was _almost_ forgotten. “Now, I hope you’re ready for me to win against you!” 

“Aren’t you actually losing?” Shuichi challenged. 

“No, not at all!!” Kokichi lied. They were definitely losing. But it didn’t matter anymore. As long as Shuichi was with them.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)  
> ill hold your hand if you want


End file.
